Quest:Welcome to the Machine

Objectives
Hand out 3 Quests. Provided item:
 * First Quest Dispensed
 * Second Quest Dispensed
 * Third Quest Dispensed
 * Daily Report - Hillsbrad Foothills

Description
Come in here dear , have a cigar. You're gonna go far and fly high as a ranking officer of the Forsaken. Yes, indeed, this is the good life and you are going to live it!

I want you to take these orders and dispense them to the lowly scrubs that come along looking for work. Who you give what to is wholly at your discretion.

When you're ready mount up on my trusty skeletal steed - so they don't miss you - and start living the life! Which means just stand there and wait.

Progress
How's the "desk job" coming?

Completion
So, how was it? Everything that you dreamed it would be? Exciting, no?

No?



I can see that you're a true hero. You need action. I guess a "desk job" isn't for you.

Transcript
Mount the horse and start giving out quests.


 * say
 * say
 * A level 19 character named walks in, saying everything in capital letters.
 * say
 * say
 * "HI! I'M NEW! BIG WHITE LIGHT CREATURE WITH WINGS MADE ME ALIVE! I SERVE THE ! YAY!
 * HELP!
 * HI!"


 * "OK! THANKS! I'LL JUST WAIT HERE WITH YOU! THANKS! OK!"


 * say
 * say
 * say
 * The level 80 flies in on his frost wyrm mount, fully equipped with tier 10 gear.
 * yell
 * say
 * say
 * "I have seen the fall of the . Creations of the titans have fallen before my mighty axe. When called upon, I alone spearheaded a victory for the Argent Crusade against the beasts of Northrend. Now, I come for the ultimate challenge. What does Hillsbrad Foothills have to offer Kingslayer Orkus???"


 * "Bloodthirsty you say? Is there any risk of death or dismemberment to me?"


 * "Then Orkus WILL DO IT! YES!"


 * say
 * say
 * say
 * , a level 20 blood elf, rides in on a Celestial Steed and fully equipped with heirlooms.
 * say
 * "Look at me, peasant. Heirlooms cover my body from head to toe, gifted to me by the greatest heroes Azeroth has ever known.
 * Now look at yourself.
 * Quickly, look back at me.
 * Yes, this horse IS made of STARS.
 * What pointless series of tasks befitting a mentally deficient orc have you prepared for me?"


 * "Fine, fine, what else?"


 * "That's all? One quest? Surely you jest. Are there not bear asses to collect? Perhaps a rare flower that I could pick from which you will make some mildly hallucinogenic tonic which you will then drink, resulting in visions of a great apocalypse? Perhaps the local populace of mildly annoying, ill-tempered gophers are acting up and need to be brought to justice? No? Nothing?"


 * say

Trivia
This quest has a number of pop culture references: This quest is Blizzard "breaking the fourth wall" in a sense to mock some stereotypical player character types. Dumass represents the "noob": the player who is new to the game and knows little of how it works or the lore behind it, and is probably even a little overwhelmed by it all. Orkus is the bored end-gamer, one who has accomplished pretty much everything in terms of end-game content and is now mindlessly (and effortlessly) doing low-level quests and griefing "lowbie" opposition player characters. Finally, Johnny Awesome is the "twink" alt character, the beneficiary of a player's main or older alts that have purchased heirloom (or rare and epic bind on equip) items to make it overpowered for its level and plow through content easily (and perhaps even having an overbearing sense of entitlement in the process). Darthalia, meantime, is the poor, set-upon quest giver that has to put up with these types all day, every day, and the player is now getting to see what it is like from her perspective.
 * The quest name and the opening sentence of the quest refers to the songs "Welcome to the Machine" and "Have a Cigar" by Pink Floyd respectively.
 * The "Now look at yourself. Quickly, look back at me. Yes, this horse IS made of STARS." quote by Johnny Awesome is a reference to an Old Spice commercial.
 * "CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE LOK'TAR IS COOKIN'?!" is a reference to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson famous tagline of "Can (If) you smell what the Rock is cookin'?"