Server:Scarshield Legion Europe/Crowley

'' For hire: Crowley - Deadly bastard, deadly blade. Obstacles obliterated, nuisances eradicated, bothersome limbs removed and tutelary dentistry undertaken.''

Appearance
Crowley's face looks like the result of taking a handsome, chiselled face then warping it; narrowing the eyes, hollowing the cheeks, lengthening and curving the nose, widening the mouth, then aging it thirty years past its prime to finish. The end result is a troll who looks if not hideously ugly then highly unpleasant. He stands very slightly shorter than most trolls (still of impressive height by any other races' standards) but is even bonier than usual, built like a toast rack with leathery skin drawn taught across it. One eye is gone, replaced by a red bionic lens (when both eyes aren't covered by his battle goggles).

Persona
Crowley takes a deep, cynical joy in spoken words and antagonising those around him. A tendency towards grinning and chuckling mean people might easily take him for an obnoxious, "all bark, no bite" old fool but in reality Crowley has a brain like a buzzsaw and a devious, calculating nature. A keen ear for information and an informal network of contacts and whisperers mean he serves Ashen Order well in his role as Councillor of Secrets.

He could quite easily be described as evil in most normal terms. His own bone-deep cynicism means he can't consider himself anything else, in truth believing himself a slave to his own "unchangeable" nature. His remorseless attitude to murder and what could almost be called a penchant for rape were mostly instilled by his older half-brother, who introduced him to and encourage him in those acts before he could ever understand their meaning.

Abilities
Crowley's abilities seem to match those of a master assasin, although his personal fighting style has little in the way of elegance. He will fight to win by any means necessary; deadly with his blade, he also appreciates how a well-timed, well-aimed knee or elbow can be crucial. He is bound by no rules, scruples or honour codes; willing not only to shoot first but to shoot from behind while the target is fast asleep. His almost preternatural stealth was learned and perfected over time, not trainer taught.

Important Facts

 * Crowley was the troll on the grassy knoll.
 * Crowley kidnapped Shergar. When the ransom negotiations stalled, he figured he'd quit while he was ahead, and ate him.
 * Crowley killed Kenny. Bastard.
 * Crowley framed Roger Rabbit.
 * Crowley sank Atlantis as revenge for being blacklisted by the Atlantean House of Pleasure for failing to tip appropriately considering the perversity of his requests.
 * Crowley killed everyone on board the Mary Celeste and threw them overboard after the ship's mate accused him (legitimately) of cheating at poker.
 * Crowley once tried to create a new engineering teleportation gizmo while on holiday in the Caribbean, but it fell into the sea, thereafter causing the Bermuda Triangle disappearances.
 * Crowley was Luke's father
 * Crowley shot Monty Burns and JR!
 * Crowley is the only person, along with Chuck Norris, to ever beat a wall at tennis.
 * Crowley ganked the Titanic.
 * Crowley stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
 * Crowley holds back the electric car, and makes Steve Gutenberg a star.
 * Crowley is the one your mother warned you about.
 * Crowley has a sock fetish. In order to satisfy his most disagreeable urges, he creeps into your garden and steals socks from your washing line. Even now, as you're reading this, he is crouching amidst a giant nest of stolen socks, laughing maniacally to himself. I know, because I've seen it.
 * It was Crowley that made Sargeras go bad!
 * Crowley IS prepared!!!
 * If a woodchuck could chuck wood, it would chuck Crowley's weight in wood every ten minutes. 100% of fact.
 * Crowley did it, in the conservatory, with the candlestick.
 * Every time Crowley lies, God kills a kitten
 * The RP in RP-PvP stands for 'Really Powerful', and is there to acknowledge Crowley's presence on the server.
 * Crowley and Mr. T walked into a bar... The bar was instantly destroyed as one building cannot contain that much awesome...
 * Only once in history of time, Crowley had a cold. He sneezed, once. This is klnown today as 'The Big Bang'
 * Crowley sharded my epics!
 * The scourge was an idea the lich king stole from Crowley.
 * Crowley doesnt have pet pevee's. He has major psychotic hatreds.
 * Killing Illidan Stormrage in the Black Temple drops a quest item that allows you to attune for the Crowley encounter. However, unlike most other WoW bosses, players don't actually try to fight Crowley. That would be ridiculous. You just bathe in his glorious presence for twenty-five minutes, at the end of which he might give you a handful of epic items, if he feels like it.
 * According to superstition, if you target Crowley and type /scared, you will get a 100 on your next /roll.
 * Crowley is the champion, my friends. And he'll keep on fighting to the end!
 * Crowley wins the Eurovision Song Contest every year by humming an improvised tune. The competition shown on TV is for second place.
 * There is no global warming. Crowley was cold, so he turned the sun up.
 * Crowley has countet to infinity - twice
 * Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Crowley."
 * Crowley has a crack team of elite ninjas who have dedicated their lives to ironing his shirts.
 * In a far away and distant time, a crack commando was sent to prison (because he let them do it) by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. This man promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Gadgetzan underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire...Crowley!
 * Theorizing that one could time-travel within his own lifetime, Crowley led an elite group of scientists into the desert, to develop a top-secret project known as Photon Jump. Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding, Crowley prematurely stepped into the project accelerator, and vanished... He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Bob, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Crowley can see and hear. And so Crowley finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next Jump...will be the Jump home...
 * Everyone talks about the "wisdom of Solomon", yet it is widely accepted that Crowley's wisdom of "Kill the kid and put the women in my harem" response is far wiser!
 * If you say Crowley in a mirror 13 times in a row at midnight, he will come out of the mirror and reorganize your closet.
 * Crowley fashions small model unicorns out of apple cores and send them to starving children in Africa who are allergic to apples and deathly afraid of unicorns.
 * Gurthang is actually a persona created by Crowley in order to conduct psychological experiments on the WoW-Europe forums. Thus far, the experiments have all been dismal failures.
 * Dan Brown's next book is going to be about Crowley's life. Rumour has it this will include a complicated reincarnation plot that can only be decoded by singing Amazing Grace in Cherokee. Backwards.
 * It was never proven that Crowley was actually the person who terrorized little old ladies in his town by breaking into their houses and leaving obscene needlepoint samplers.
 * There is a remote tribe of pygmies in deepest, darkest Belgium who worship Crowley as a god. Seven times a day they prostrate themselves in front of a statue of him made of extra-sharp cheddar.
 * Crowley goes to the park with an entire loaf of bread and eats the whole thing in front of the pigeons, just to show them who's boss.
 * Crowley has perfect pitch and can whistle anything he likes down a phone line by imitating a modem. He once reprogrammed a washing machine in this manner, making it walk across the room and crush his enemy.
 * Crowley fathered everyone who has read this article. Including himself.
 * Physicists from Oxford University recently released the results of a study showing which indicates that Crowley is, in fact, the center of the known universe.
 * When provoked, Crowley has been know to spit streams of venom over 10 yards with uncanny accuracy.
 * Crowley collects the lint from his navel and sells it on eBay. For a tidy sum, I must add.
 * Crowley is watching you read this.