User talk:Kirochi/Sisters of the Underworld

Synopsis
Here's the main plot : three ghosts and one banshee recover their minds while they are working for the Lich King in Northrend, approximatively around the Burning Crusade release. They, by some bizarre means, manage to get their actual body back (in a close way to Sylvanas's, but in fact their new bodies are exact replicas of the former ones). Living many adventures together, with the help of some other friendly and/or desperate creatures they gain access to a power beyond known limits. They soon discover the real power that made them break free from Ner'zhul's control but without noticing it.--Kirochi 19:37, 15 September 2006 (EDT)

Fanfic is not stupid
People who write fan fiction are generally more creative than those who don't. It shows you have imagination. --Fandyllic 4:37 PM PDT 15 Sep 2006
 * Why thanks ! (= I hope my creativity comes with my ability to express it well.--Kirochi 20:03, 15 September 2006 (EDT)

Some corrections and suggestions
A very good start. Vastly better than I could hope to compose with my feeble skills en la francais.

Various grammar and spelling stuff (you'll have to search for them... I'm too lazy to specify where, but they should come in order of reading):
 * "and she was standing when she awake"; "awake" should be "awoke". Awake is a state and awoke is past tense for wake up.
 * "pitful" &rarr; "pitiful"
 * "the same magic attacks than her comrades"; "than" should be "as".
 * "a few steps closer of the center of the village"; "closer of" should be "closer to".
 * "No, that was no random." seems incomplete. Maybe: "No, that was no random event."?
 * "no one she knew around" should probably be "no one she knew was around", but it could work as is.
 * "she stroke the mightiest shadow ball" sort of works, but perhaps "she hurled the mightiest shadow ball".

Also, you have abunch of lines that start with - (like "- Don't worry sister. We're here to protect you.") that maybe should be italic, like other lines that appear to be spoken or telepathy or something.

The phrase 'We had just buffed you." could be made more literary and say something like "We have just strengthened you." The term "buff" is more of a gamer term than what would be used in stories. --Fandyllic 5:16 PM PDT 15 Sep 2006


 * Awwww sweet. Nobody ever gave me such accurate corrections ;-). Thank you Fandyllic, it's done !--Kirochi 04:07, 16 September 2006 (EDT)

You can move your page out of user area
There is nothing wrong with moving User:Kirochi/Sisters of the Underworld to just Sisters of the Underworld. I could do it for you (we restricted moving pages with to admins recently, since a vandal used it extensively). No need to hide your story. --Fandyllic 12 PM PDT 16 Sep 2006


 * Well, this is only related to me and to no one else. I think I'd rather keep it there, but anyway thanks !--Kirochi 15:29, 16 September 2006 (EDT)

Will you finish it?
Are you going to finish it?  Mr.X8  Talk Contribs  04:34, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * Probably, yes.-- K )  (talk) 13:39, 27 January 2008 (UTC)

Hope you don't mind me asking, but I saw no bad references to mature language or homosexuality like you said. Is that just to scare off homophobic vandals?  Mr.X8  Talk Contribs  17:01, 27 January 2008 (UTC)


 * I don't mind your asking, of course; your questions might actually get me started for the following of the story.
 * No, I really meant it. There is a major plot that revolves around a love story (which involves female characters) in my fan fiction.
 * However, I don't remember mentioning mature language. The story is set in the World of Warcraft, so it has to have violence in it, but I don't think I'll include coarse language other than colloquial terms for enemies and the cold.-- K  )  (talk) 19:16, 27 January 2008 (UTC)

Might it involve Lynn?  Mr.X8  Talk Contribs  00:24, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

And Alana of course.  Mr.X8  Talk Contribs  00:25, 2 February 2008 (UTC)


 * I say, if my writing skills equal my imagination, you have no chance of guessing the plot I have set.-- K )  (talk) 10:50, 7 February 2008 (UTC)

I'm sorry, I don't quite get what you're saying.  Mr.X8  Talk Contribs  03:01, 9 February 2008 (UTC)