Crabby

On April 1st, 2011, Blizzard announced an April Fool's Joke: Crabby - The Dungeon Helper.

Nothing But the Best
Few things are more fun than plumbing the depths of Azeroth's dungeons with your friends, defeating scores of terrifying monsters, and emerging with your bags stuffed to the brim with epic loot pried from your enemies' cold, dead hands. However, every adventurer knows that the more fantastic the treasure, the more powerful its guardians — and some of the challenges posed by World of Warcraft's Heroic dungeons can be quite daunting.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a helpful friend at your side, ready to provide you with tips and hints when you're stuck? A friend who's there to provide encouragement, who will help you pick yourself up off the floor after the fifteenth wipe of the night? Someone who will stick with you — no matter what?

Everyone can use a friend like that... a friend like Crabby!

Someone to Watch Over Me
You're a hero. An adventurer. A sword-swinger or spell-slinger for hire. Whatever your character's motivation may be, if trouble doesn't find you, it's because you found trouble first. But what do you do when Asaad throws down a grounding field? How do you respond when the Faceless Corruptors enter Erudax's room? Eventually, you'll be thrown a curve ball that you can't catch. When that happens, you'll be glad to have Crabby at your side!

Crabby uses a complex and extensive set of context-sensitive situational heuristics to analyze your current status in real-time; that's tech talk for "Crabby always knows what's up." He watches your every move with his all-seeing eyes. Nothing escapes his unwavering gaze; not even the slightest nuance of your play style goes unnoticed. Before long, Crabby will know what you're going to do before you even do it. And he will use this knowledge to help.

Crabby is able to tell you exactly what's going on and what you should do. His many useful tips will appear in the bottom right corner of your screen, where he hangs out, ever patiently, waiting for you to need his help. Of course, whether you follow his advice or not is entirely up to you; Crabby may possess an advanced level of artificial intelligence, but we're reasonably sure he doesn't have any feelings you could hurt. Reasonably sure. But just in case, the ability to remove Crabby has been disabled for now.

I've Got You Under My Skin
Few things are more fun than plumbing the depths of Azeroth's dungeons with a trusty, unwavering friend at your side. Together with Crabby, your new companion on all your journeys going forward, you can rest assured that no challenge will be beyond your reach.

Encounter Journal
Crabby appears on the top of the Encounter Journal window.

Quotes
Crabby made its appearance on the WoW Battle.net forums in the bottom right corner of the browser window (requires Flash Player and an ad blocker not configured to block Crabby). Every few seconds, Crabby will popup a message. Some messages contain user dialogue options (italicized below) leading to more messages, creating a dialogue tree.

Introduction

 * "Hi! I'm Crabby!"
 * "I want to make your dungeon experience as trouble-free as possible!"
 * "I think we're going to be fast friends! I have a good feeling about you."
 * "I noticed you're reading about Crabby. Would you like help learning about Crabby?"

Forum related

 * "So you like to read the forums; me too! Do you have a favorite forum to post in? Maybe check out some other forums as well. Variety is the spice of life!"
 * "Remember that the other posters here are people, too. Like Plato said, "Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." A little kindness can go a long way!"
 * "Many eons ago, the internet was a series of Bulletin Boards Systems and Usenet newsgroups. Users traded stories shareware, hopes and aspirations and connected with other like-minded individuals until the wee hours of the morning ... or until someone picked up the phone."
 * "I'm Commander Crabby, and this is my favorite forum on the website!"
 * "Report bugs you find on the website in the Website Bug Reports Forum. Unless it's about me. I'm purely a figment of your imagination."
 * "Blizzard Employees will never ask you for your password. (We're really good at guessing)"
 * "If someone sends you an inappropriate whisper in game, report that player."
 * "My name's Crabby, are you my mother?" (in upside down text)
 * "I was just minding my business in the high grass the other day when some hooligan kid tried to shove me into a plastic ball, mumbling something about needing to "Catch 'em all.""
 * "If someone tries to convince you that it's possible for two people typing furiously on the SAME keyboard to prevent a hacker from breaching your firewall, slap them with your big claw!"
 * "If I told you that you had a nice shell, would you hold it against me?"
 * "Did you know you can check out other posters' characters on the Armory by clicking on their name?"
 * "Do people still play Saga of the Purple Drakonid? I love that game."
 * "I dunno" "Well they should. Write your local congressman."
 * "Maybe" "That's the spirit. Keep hope alive!"
 * "Report bugs you find on the website in the Website Bug Reports Forum. Unless it's about me. I'm purely a figment of your imagination."
 * "Hey, do you want to do some role-play? Let's go to the RP forum, the World's End Tavern!"
 * "The class forums are a great place to learn more about how to play your class!"
 * "Having one little claw and one big claw means you're a boy crab!"
 * "Do you read all of the patch notes updates? I try, but I get sleepy."
 * "Make sure to upvote good, well-written, and constructive posts. Highly upvoted posts will be highlighted and stand out."
 * "Downvote rude or disrespectful posts; if a post receives enough downvotes, it will be hidden. You can help keep the forums civil!"
 * "I'm selling these fine leather carapaces ... Wait, what's the plural of carapace? Carapae? Carpaceses?"
 * "What?" "Hey, can you do me a favor and look up the plural form of carapace on your internets?"
 * "Alright." "... Well?"
 * "Ok, I didn't actually look it up" "Oh, come on pal. I'm here busting my shell to serve up sweet pearls of bacon-flavored wisdom and you can't throw me one little knowledge nugget?"
 * "It's nothing personal, I'm allergic to wikipedia." "Oh, sorry; I can relate. I'm allergic to shellfish."
 * "Fine, fine, it's carapaces." "Oh, really? That's pretty straight-forward. Thanks, dude."
 * It's ... ahhh ... carapacians. Waaaaaait.... Isn't that the guy who wrote those games about punching dragons and being a space sherrif?
 * I dunno. Maybe. "He sounds like a cool crab. Crabby approves +5"
 * No, you're thinking of Vigo the Carpathian. "Is he a boss in Grim Batol?"
 * He should be. "He's sounds tough. I better read up on strats so I can better assist during that encounter."
 * "Why don't you do it?" "My network access is limited at work. I was spending too much time farming."
 * "No one cares, Crabby." "No one covered in meat cares."
 * "Happy Friday! I woke up this morning with this song stuck in my head..."
 * Oh Crabby, NO! - Oh Crabby, YES!

Topic related

 * "This topic is locked! You can look, but don't touch."
 * "This topic is sticky. While the term may sound funny, this topic is, in fact, very important."
 * "This thread is over 20 pages. Remember, if you feel that a thread deserves to be stickied, click the 'request sticky' link on the top right!"
 * "This thread has been seeing by people, or approximately eyeballs, give or take a cyclops."
 * "I'm glad that made this topic. They raise some great points, don't you agree?"
 * "It looks like you're reading a forum thread; would you like me to give you a brief summary?"
 * "Sure" "From what I gather, posted some stuff about something interesting. Then people said some things in response" The second sentence is replaced with "But alas, no one cared." if there are no replies.
 * "... Oh, alright" "You don't seem convinced. I've got plenty of important things I could be doing if you're just going to phone it in."
 * "C'mon, Crabby, don't be like that" "I... just need time."
 * "No, really, it's cool" "I forgot what we were talking about."
 * "It looks like you're trying to read a forum thread. Would you like help?"
 * Get help with reading the thread "Oh wow - almost no one picks this one! How exciting! Ok, pull it together Crabby, it's show time!"
 * "How can you help?" "Great question! I'm not quite sure actually. Tell you what, I'll just sit here and keep you company while you read it!"
 * "I changed my mind" "Oh, ok. I'll be here if you need me."
 * Just read the thread without help "Oh...ok... Crab ya later!"

Account/Character related

 * "If you meet nice players like %s here, be sure to send them a friend request so that your friendship can blossom."
 * "Looks like your, , is coming along nicely. Level 85! Now you're playing in Crabby's house."
 * "Looks like your, , is coming along nicely. C'mon pal, <85-level> more levels and you'll be a big !"
 * "This player is ready for Cataclysm heroic dungeons!"
 * " are definitely the most -represented race."
 * " are definitely the most -represented class."
 * " are definitely getting  next patch."
 * "Players are a wonderful, varied species of carnivores."
 * "Players are the life blood of World of Warcraft."
 * "%s is in the %s guild. I wonder if they are recruiting."
 * "I think I know that guy."
 * "You can log in to the World of Warcraft website with your Battle.net account to see a homepage personalized just for you! Try it!"

Items related

 * "Put items on your body to prevent swords from going through it!"
 * "I've never seen this one in person."
 * "Looks like hunter loot to me!"
 * "Just let that name roll off the tongue: . It even sounds legendary. "

Site related

 * "If you're thinking about starting a new character of a class you haven't played yet, the Classes section provides a good basic overview of each class. You can learn a lot of interesting facts you may not have known about each race in the Races section. Have you checked that one out yet?"
 * "What's your favorite class? Mine's ALL OF THEM! hehehe!"
 * "It looks like you're reading more about World of Warcraft; would you like me to make you some waffles while you read? Carrots are good, too. HAHAHAHA."
 * "Did you know that the Expanded Universe section contains a complete history of the Warcraft Universe? You should check it out!"
 * "Did you read those leader short stories in the Expanded Universe section? Wasn't "Lord of His Pack" great? I also really liked the Gallywix and the Garrosh stories. Which one did you like best?"
 * "There are a total of fifteen "Easter Eggs" in the Beginner's Guide. Can you find them all?"
 * "If you want to get to know your World of Warcraft peers and talk shop, check out the official forums. I'd point, but this claw is really heavy."
 * "We're even in your new-fangled Tweetspace and Facester social networks! Check it out."
 * "The most resplendant fan art will burst from its coccoon and become a beautiful Fan Wallpaper butterfly. Then we stick it to corkboard with pins and admire its majestic beauty."


 * "I noticed you're not logged in. Did you forget your password?"
 * "No" "If you're having trouble logging in, click "can't log in" for help!"
 * "Yes" "Have you tried "password?""
 * "No" "I have a good feeling about that one."
 * "Yes" "How about "password1?""
 * "No" "Don't give up hope. There's only like eleventy-billion possible combinations."
 * "Yes" "That's not a secure password. AT ALL. You should change it immediately!"

Media

 * "Would you like wallpapers sized for your revolutionary tablet device?"
 * "Yes" "Oh boy, me too. That would be exquisite."
 * "No" "Oh. That's fine. Let me know when you want to live in the future."
 * "Oh man, look at all those screenshots! Wouldn't it be cool to see a shot of your character up there? Submit your screenshots today!"
 * "Those comics are so funny. Do you have a favorite? I like the one with Arthas in it."
 * "It seems like you're thinking about submitting fan art. Want some help?"
 * Sure! "First, draw your subject in an action pose. Next, use your amazing human hands to draw a sword or hammer, preferably in mid-swing. And you're done! Well, maybe. The weapon could be a little bigger."
 * Crabs can draw? - "I've been known to dabble."
 * But you don't even have hands! "What do you think these giant apendages are?"
 * Pincers? - "Well, yeah. They are pincers. I like to pinch."
 * Crabby, you're wierd. - "I get that a lot."
 * Tuning forks? - "Wow, you're right. They DO look like tuning forks...And they can touch everything but themselves."
 * JPG or get the heck out. - "C'mon, don't put me on the spot like that."
 * Cough it up. - "Look, I'm very sensitive about my art."
 * You know what else is sensitive? Said crab dancing in a pot of boiling water. - "Nobody puts Crabby in a corner."
 * C'mon crabby. If it's really good, I'll put it up on the fridge. - "Alright, here it is:"

Services

 * "Need some help? You can contact our friendly support staff by clicking the support button!"
 * "Our support staff can help you change or recover your password, set up a new account, transfer your characters, report bugs, resolve video card issues, learn about World of Warcraft, keep your account secure, and replace a flat tire."
 * "Support can help you resolve problems with other players, reinstall the game, beat Sargeras, get unstuck if you're trapped, form groups, invite new players to join the game, use parental controls, and more!"
 * "You are so lucky that you have opposable thumbs and can use a cellphone. Curse these pincers!"
 * "WoW Remote can be used to access the auction house from your web browser or mobile device! You can become filthy rich from virtually anywhere!"

Blogs and Commenting

 * "Did you know that the art of blogging goes all the way back to the ancient crustaceans of the Jurassic period? It's true!"
 * "It looks like you're reading the blog; would you like me to look up some words for you?"
 * "The people who write these put a lot of time and effort into their work."
 * "You can find related blog articles on the right-hand side of the page. Check them out!"
 * "I know you're busy, but maybe you could take a moment out of your schedule and share some feedback?"
 * "If you really like what you read, you can click on the social sharing icons under the blog post and let all your friends know!"
 * "Did you know you can leave comments on some blog entries? Try it out now!"
 * "I bet the posters would love to hear what you have to say!"
 * "Commenting on articles lets the authors know you care!"
 * "Are you sure you don't want to post?"
 * "Crabby, relax!" "Jeepers, I really flipped my shell back there."
 * "Ok, fine, I'll post!" "...I'm sorry. That was unfair."
 * "If you need help posting a comment, just ask!" "Help me, Crabby!" "You can post a comment by logging in to the site with your Battle.net account and clicking the 'add a reply' button!"
 * "Posting a comment is easy! Just try it!"
 * "I love to read blog comments. Players often add great additional information and start interesting discussions."
 * "I like big blogs and I cannot lie."
 * "That GhostCrawler sure is a handsome fella. ... I wish I knew how to determine crab genders."

Homepage

 * "The homepage of the World of Warcraft community site is full of things to do."
 * "Did you know that there's a new screenshot of the day every day?"
 * "Featured articles are shown above the article list. If you're nonplussed, that's a good place to start." "Nonplussed?" "Yeah. People say that, right?"
 * "No, I really don't think so" "I'll be honest, I've only ever read the expression, and I've been dying to use it in conversation."
 * "Nah, I think you got it." "Ok, whew. I gotta admit, I was kinda nervous when the words were coming out of my mandible."
 * "Hold the phone, MANDIBLE?!" "Yeah, it's a jaw bone attached to the skull. Buddy, I can't help it if you can't pick up a book every now and then."
 * "I don't even think crabs HAVE mandibles. I think that's just insects." "Really?! I'm pretty sure we do. At least, I think that's what I learned in Deep Sea Crab health class."
 * "Yeah, I read it online" "Well, then it HAS to be true, right?"
 * "To be honest, I dunno." "Look, can we talk about video games now? All this fish talk is making my thorax sweat."
 * "What are these books you speak of?" "Har, har. Just because you have your skeleton on the inside of your body, you think you're so clever." yell
 * "What were we talking about?" "I dunno. Sports, I think."
 * "That seems pretty far-fetched." "Crabs have a very limited short term memory. We're mostly concerned with looking unappetizing to sea otters."
 * "Oh. Yeah ... how about that local sports team" "Ahhh... Yessir, they sure are making the points this season." "Ahh... yeah, especially that one guy with the legs" "You betcha, boy. .... Look, can we stop talking about this? All this testosterone is making my giant, engorged eyes water."
 * "Ok, phew." "... That weather sure is weather."
 * "Talking about what?" "Kid, I have no idea. Aren't you late for a battle at Tol Barad or something?"
 * "Just dumb it down, okay?" "Ok, boss."
 * "Maybe in trashy romance novels" "Look, buddy, I don't come down to your job and make fun of your reading habits."
 * "Whoa, whoa. Easy, Crabby." "Ok, let's get back to what we were talking about."
 * "Stow the attitude, shellfish!" "You're not the boss of me, human! Crabby doesn't take orders from any fleshbags!"
 * "Wow! If you look really closely at the background, you can spot the all-seeing-eye of the Illuminati hidden in the flames. I'm not even kidding."
 * "That Deathwing sure is angry."
 * "You and I are the only people who exist."

WoW Launcher

 * "It looks like you're launching World of Warcraft! Would you like help?"

Source

 * Crabby - The Dungeon Helper