User:Kirochi/Felkarr



The Felkarr (Sometimes spelled Felkar) are a race of mutated tuskarr who buddied up with Kil'jaeden after they found he could fish. They receive a weekly salary of all the salmon they can eat. Their mounts are the noble Felprawns, evil 80 foot crustaceans from the Paleozoic Era with red eyes.

History
Long ago the tuskarr erected great Tuskstones, or Bucketstones, that keep the Legion out. When the night elves were being slaughtered and the trolls were maiming each other, the tuskarr were out enjoying themselves, making pretty vests, hasing buckets, and fishing. Protected or not, the similar Runestones of Quel'thalas kept demons out, but did nothing to keep orcs, trolls, and ogres out. Likewise, the Scourge could probably inadvertently knock one over, and this scenario could take place.

To visit a tuskarr village, visitors must bring several fresh fish along, to prove they can fish. Fishing is more than just a means to survive for tuskarr — it’s also a moral guideline. If they think that someone cannot fish well, that is a bad person, so evidence of successful fishing means someone must have good morals and therefore must be respectable. If a person brings several large fish, he is treated like a long lost and much beloved cousin.

The tuskarr had Sorcerers in the third war with an all-powerful spell. They in WoW would have a combination of mage, priest, and shaman spells. This practice of arcane magic (and the fact that David Blaine fell for Kil'jaeden's "You can rule the world" spheal) attracted the Legion.

Kil'jaeden sent the Legion to Northrend, himself leading, and happed upon the tuskarr. Kil'jaeden hatched a plan to catch a whale and befriend them, (Based on their morals being all about fishing, and the fact that they judge people on how they fish!). He starts fishing, because he just seems the kind of person to appeal to others' interests like he did with Ner'zhul, all the while explaining to them his wishes to undo existence. At first they're kind of skeptical, but when they see he can catch a whale by flicking his wrist, they squeal with delight, drink some of Mannoroth's blood Kil'jaeden had kept in a cooler, and terrorize Azeroth. So the tuskarr became good friends with Kil'jaeden, because he could fish, and some went on to become the Felkar.

Tuskarr for the Legion! Felkarr are the P-I-M-P!!!

Appearance
Get a tuskarr, and put red eredar skin and eyes on it. Then, give him some warlock/mage tier sets, and a cool looking staff. Nothing is more frightening than a glowy-eyed pick-wielding tuskarr nearly ten feet tall, covered in spiky protrusions with razor sharp fangs and four-foot tusks, followed by their blood-red baby seal minions.

David Blaine
The Felkar have a famous sorcerer named David Blaine. "OMG itz David Blaine the demon magician with his demon madjik".

No seriously, Felkarr are totally in his cast. Though, I don't think Blaine has any use for Tuskarr, just imagine how long it would take them to drown themselves...

Then we would have the mighty "David Blaine, master Felkarr sorcerer and leader of madjiks".

That is why the Felkar leader is "David Blaine, lord of the PIMP madjikz". {|

Culture
The Felkarr culture is very complex indeed. Instead of the traditional colored vests the Tuskarr wear, they wear David Blaine T-Shirts. They prefer to use clubs instead of harpoons. They like everything David Blaine likes really.

Small Arms
The Felkarr being beings of chaos and evil love weapons. The average (well that's a bit of an oxymoron) Felkarr prefers dual wielding combat with either a pick, club, or harpoon and usually has a throwing spear, harpoon shooter (crossbow), or gun. The casters of Felkarr society ususally have a staff and/or runeblade, and/or a dagger.

Aerial
Not until recently did the felkarr army have any official aerial units. In fact, the only flying thing the had was David Blaine's personal shark mount. However when some Felkarr were sent to help the Blood Elves at Quel'Danis, they came upon the bodies of dragons and elven windriders. Spiriting the corpses way, they brought them to the upcoming battle with tuskarr and gnomes. They had only five dragon and windrider skeletons at the time, and since then have taken more and more dragon corpses (Blue dragons from Northrend. Once they were even so bold as to raid that place Malygos lives at) and not just High/Blood elf windriders, they have dwarven, orcish, troll, and even human. The Felkarr had them form their own unit of windriders called "The Unfriendly Skies".

Underwater Combat
The Felkarr have long been allies with the sharks and fel prawns who could bear Felkarr underwater which they could jab at an enemy with their spear or shoot him with their spear gun, but other then that they had no major underwater force. So David Blaine who read "A druid's guide to taming a nature's ally", he summoned mass quantities of sharks and and giant tortoises, and using some old Second War Horde turtle weapons from the Antique Roadshow, he attached them to his new allies and even made some undead. Now the Felkarr can shoot their giant harpoons and ballistas at the puny Gnomish submarines.

Spells
The RTS ability tree for Felkarr is:

Polymorph - Permanently turns the target into a seal. The most basic of Felkarr sorcerer spells.

Sodapiss - A spell that makes the foe piss orange soda.

Beetis - Target's abilities cost twice as much mana to use (As target cannot speak normally; every word they say comes out sounding like a Liberty Medical advertisement).

Revenge - Target is clubbed to death. More effective when numerous allies have died.

Slavery
The Felkarr hate the gnomes, and use them as slaves to create more and stuff like that. They also eat gnomes often.

Newsflash!!1
Apparently, all species of sharks on Azeroth have recently sided with the Felkarr. This is not a good thing. No, it really isn't.