User:Banduril/Gospel of the Alliance Azgalor

The Gospel of the Alliance according to Banduril: (Inspired by the divination of the Great Remedial)

Genesis:

(1)In the beginning Blizzard created the heavens. But The World of Warcraft was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Mike Morhaime stood upon Mount Hyjal and said, "Let there be light and dark, good and evil, but also shenanigans", and thus the Alliance came into being in the world.

(2)And Morhaime said, "Let there be chat", and lo, the Alliance became able to speak to one another, and they were both blessed and cursed. For every prankapple that the Alliance planted within the firmament would yield Comedy and Tragedy, hallmarks of drama.

Early Foundations:

(1)But in the First Age the Alliance were young and the drama was small, until Poots, first Attention Wh0re of the Coming Dramabomb, heard the calling. And Poots made merry in-both the world and message board realms, leading to his eventual and deserved banishment by the powers of Morhaime.

(2)Many guilds formed, however, only a handful would sustain the drama storms to come, including the Ravens of Stormwind and BOT, both champions of the Zerg.

(3)To the masses the terrible gnome companions Pip and Bachsin fed the forbidden fruit of drama. With rampant rooftop camping tactics and Molten Core strategies that included attempts in skipping Molten Giant pulls by jumping off the first bridge into the fiery lava pits, only to be smote by the powers of Morhaime.

(4)But the Horde prophet named Tharg revealed Bachsin as the snake in the grass, and so dozens of pages of wailing and lamentations and the gnashing of teeth filled the void of the Maelstrom, and the duel of fates was held. Deep within the jungles of Stranglethorn, a test of champions was held, regulated by Issu the Slow Leveler. Bachsin was proven fool, and relegated as a denizen of shame, only seeing one final piece of glory in drama, in later times.

The Purple Crusades

1. And so began the search for weapons and armor of great power, catalysts of drama.

2. From the earliest of days, A crappy Hunter by the name of Izriel found a "Bow of Searing Arrow" among the sandy ruins of Zul'Farak.Then Snap, the solitary wanderer, touted his epics of power. Oh the mighty Staff of Jordan, oh the endless fountain of the Lifestone, cry joy! the magnificent Robes of Insight. However, his bravado would make him the target of much hate and anger, which let forth the cries of "E Bay!" from the common man as well as the first spot on the Lists of Damnation, prepared by Hafnium the Proud and Hafnium the Architect and Hafnium the Master of Frist.

3. And so Hafnium, usurping the mantle of power from Requies, wielder of the Arcanite Champion and wearer of the Judgement Bindings of Shame, made plans for the conquering of Molten Core. Assembling a task force of the mightiest poopsockers on the Alliance, this group slowly, but surely defeated beast after beast, short of the mighty firelord himself.

And much of this original force would become Righteous Dawn, and much success would be had, but also, much drama, the drama was fill with both tears and laughter.

Soon other Alliance guilds would taste the allure and drama of Molten Core, leading to the Golden Age of Raiding, and Issu would reach level 51.

Decay and Blossom

(1) And amidst the PVP blessings of Morhaime, the Alliance would discover and enjoy many battles across the lands with the mighty horde for several ages to come. Terror would be razed mightily within the lands of Hillsbrad, where thousands would throw themselves to the mercy of the guards and deathguards. For the Alliance, Hye the Short and Hye the Champion of Area Effect would taste the blood of many Horde. However, the Horde would counter with the likes of Dozi, Master of the Typo, and Dozi, Manager of the Southshore Inn.

(2) And within the dungeons and caves of the realm, many of the Righteous Dawn would continue to claim more items of purple, but some had grown arrogant and prideful in their ways, only seeking to project their power within the halls of the Bank of Ironforge. And at the eve of seeming victory for Righteous Dawn in its battle with the Firelord, devils within would break it upon the Dark Iron Anvil of Chicanery. The ears of many core members would be filled a deceptive honey, congealed within the hives of Dukke the AWPer and Oogy the Stoned. And with this, all Hope was Forgotten, for the false idols were to leave the lands of Azeroth only a week later, and those who had been lured to this false promised land, would be called out for their actions, and as such where named Porky the Hamburgular and Banduril the Backstabber.

(3) And Morhaime proclaimed that the people of the realm should take their battles to the mountains of Alterac and the forests of Ashenvale. And as such, the Alliance found new and wicked ways to whittle away their time and create drama, and as before, the drama was good.

(4) And Hafnium the Architect, now disgusted with the Alliance, soon became Muinfah the Turncoat, only to disappear for many moons leaving his destination a mystery to all, especially the Frist the Infidel.

(5) After a series of highly sung of goodbyes, Snap the Braggart and Snap the Powerlifter and Snap the E-Peen returned for the 138th time, to join forces with Bachsin in a dramafest of much delight involving the lamented Pristine Hide of the Beast. And as foretold by the sages of old, the drama was good. However, Snap would soon fade into obscurity, his once mighty bound on equip epics no longer held their luster, and returned to the realms of Warcraft 3, a game played mostly by sailors and men named Lawrence.

(6) After the eventual killing of the Firelord by much maligned Brethren, many other guilds would reach new levels of nerd powers, killing monsters in an Internet game. GOA would follow next, powered by Sunferno, the crafter of Chromatic Gauntlets and other fine goods. In addition, Righteous Dawn would see a new rebirth of successes, along with the maturing other guilds such as VOA, backed by the mighty Gronli of Pikachu and Gronli the Sithlord. And such were the times, when even the PVP gods of old BOT and the Ravens of Stormwind would find their place the Realm Progression List thread.